It's a push!

No weight loss...no weight gain...

On one hand, I'm glad I didn't gain anything because I would feel completely defeated. But on the other hand, the hand that wanted to lose at least two more pounds, on that hand I'm bummed out. I haven't blogged all week because I honestly couldn't think of anything to write about. I've been eating the same thing, I've been on my treadmill...not everyday like I should, which is what I am attributing to the no weight loss, but everything is the same...oh wait, that is not true. I will be honest, I cheated this week.

Maybe that is why I didn't blog, the shame was too much!:) Actually, no it wasn't...I didn't care, I wanted this item of food so much I did not care at all about the amount of fat, the calories, the carbs the "damage" to my journey...I just wanted it. It was a craving like no other, a craving very much like when you are pregnant. You know the story, you see a commercial on TV and your craving hits...you try to figure out what to eat but nothing will satisfy you until you get that one "bad" thing you want so much. My craving? A certain fast food roast beef sandwhich! Ahhhh, just writing that now I can taste how wonderful it was. It was so good, there are no words to describe it. I didn't care what the scale would say, or how much I would have to exercise to counteract what that glorious sandwhich would do to me. I WANTED that sandwhich!!

Well, apparently I did care because the next morning I was riddled with guilt and I got on the scale just to see what that little trip off the wagon did to me. Now, I know I'm not supposed to weigh everyday because that will make me crazy, but I did it and it said I had gained TWO pounds...literally...OVERNIGHT!

How did that happen? Was it the fat, the salt, the carbs, water retention? I don't know which, but I did not stray from the diet again and I drank as much water as I could and now my weight is back to where it was last Monday. I don't want to be obsessed about the actual number, but it is hard when you are working so hard for an outcome...you really want to know if what you are doing is making a difference.

Anyway, that little detour down crazy weight lane aside, I have been feeling better with what I am eating and am finding myself, everyday, getting more control over my appetite. WOO-HOO! That is half the battle right there, let me tell you!

Oh, and I had a scan today for my gallbladder, so hopefully in a couple of days I will find out the results of just how well my gallbladder and liver are functioning. And of all the medical stuff I've ever done, I have to say this test was the worst one. An HOUR and a HALF on a table with an IV running and having to stay completely still. They inject a solution that simulates bile and then one that simulates fat to watch your gallbladder does. Now, MOST people only have a bloated feeling when they inject the "fat", but as most of you know...I'm on the "special" side and clearly a bit more messed up than most people, so of course I'm laying there, listening to my music and BAM...PAIN in the gallbladder area. Grrr, and all I can think about is how I did this to myself.

I ate poorly, got overweight, have a fatty liver from high cholesterol which gave me the gallstone which is now causing me pain when I eat...why did I let this happen? BUT, I'm not dwelling on the negative and I am going to keep plugging away positively on my little journey to lose this weight and get healthier!!!

So, until next time...I'm off to eat my yummy grilled chicken salad that I get tonight because I won a bet!:) Yum, yum, yum!!

Happy Monday everybody!
xoxoxo