I'm BAAACK!
Well, I would love to be able to tell you I stuck to my guns and ate EVERYTHING I was supposed to the entire week I was on vacation. I would love to tell you that I exercised like I planned to and I drank water instead of anything else and I made sure I did not take in any extra fats. I would love to tell you this...but, alas...I cannot. I'm more disappointed in myself than I thought I would be. Mostly because it is back to real life and I have to own up to my choices. So, I decided to put on here all the bad stuff I had, so I can come clean!
I was doing really well for the first three days, like I said in my last blog. I stuck with my wraps, salads and healthy snacks, water and green tea. Then came Tuesday...oh, toxic Tuesday! I went to the beach and got stung by my first jellyfish. What was my first thought after the screaming, throbbing pain, and mind-numbing irritation subsided? "I should treat myself to dessert since I am in so much pain!" You don't even have to tell me how wrong that thought process is...but the pain of the jellyfish, and the sunburn I got overwhelmed me and I ate ice cream...okay, it wasn't just ice cream....it was a blizzard. I can barely hold my head up from the shame weighing it down!:( The center of my entire problem is the justification of eating bad things in emotion situations. I know this, I am working on this, I am fighting this, not just daily, but hourly and what happens when I get stung by that stupid jellyfish? I WANT TO EAT!
After I ate it, I would love to tell you I straightened myself out, but I didn't. I will say I stayed fairly balanced...but not because I have such strong willpower, it is because I really didn't feel well when I ate anything, especially anything with fat. Other bad things I ate over the course of the week: 2 pieces of pizza; roast beef and mac & cheese; a few M & Ms, roast beef salad sandwiches and diet coke.
Now, that I have purged my conscience and feel better, I am happy to say I had a salad for dinner tonight. I really and truly believed I would get back from vacation and my drive to lose this weight would be gone. I thought it would be one more thing I would just dismiss as being too hard and that would be it. I am happy to report I do not feel that way! YAY! Coming home renewed my drive even more to FIGHT THE CRAVINGS!! SURGE ONWARD!! WIN THE BATTLE OF THE BULGE!! DENY THE DELECTABLE!!!!(I know, again, dramatic)
It does help that any fat I consume makes me feel very uncomfortable, which has to be from the gallstone, but it helps nonetheless. Am I happy I have given myself a gallstone? NOPE! Am I glad to now have a built-in fat-o-meter instead of my own willpower? ABSOLUTELY NOT! But, I'm going to make the best of it and hope I can keep myself well, especially since the added bonus of indigestion and heartburn and chest pains make scarfing down any yummy rich and fat food an epic impossibility.
I wanted bad stuff all week, stuff I have never even craved before, and now that I am home...all those cravings have gone away. I wonder why that is? Is it because we give ourselves little licenses to go crazy during time away? Whether it is food, alcohol, desserts...calories and fat don't count on vacation, right? (They actually don't count on birthdays, friend's birthdays and celebratory dinners, either, in case you were wondering!) Letting go a little on vacation and special occasions is okay in my mind...my problem was apparently I was living on vacation and constantly celebrating momentous events like...TUESDAY NIGHT!! Hence the extra 100 pounds...but I digress.
The first thing I did when I got home was weigh myself and even though it is not official...it is a total of 5 pound weight loss since my start date. Whew! A little reassurance I did not go completely crazy with treating myself!
Once again, thank you to all my fabulous friends who are reading this and sending me such great words of encouragement. I know I could do all this without a blog...but I wouldn't want to! And I know I could do this without you...scratch that...I COULD NOT do this without you! You all make me feel better every day and reassure me that I can reach my goal and I am grateful to you all beyond words!
Have a blessed Sunday tomorrow everyone!
xoxoxo
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